Seriously, don't try this at home

I caught a Star Wars movie on TV the other day. Not one of the originals, but one of the abominations that slimed out of George Lucas’ money-lined uterus. If you’ve struggled as hard as I have to forget this particular movie existed, you may not remember a scene where a Jedi is able to jump onto a ledge far above his head. This got me wondering if I could do the same thing.

The short answer is no, I cannot. I hope to be off the crutches in the next few days. In the meantime, I’ll be content pushing paper clips around my desk while no one is looking. And yes, I’ve been keeping it a secret. Occasionally I’ll forget to use my hands to pick up a small object, but you’d be amazed at the ability people seem to have to ignore what happens right in front of them.

My worst slip so far was at work. My co-workers and I were clustered around the front door, waiting for opening time, when the manager dropped his pen. Being a good little go-getter, I pulled that pen off the ground and handed it to him, right in front of no less than sixteen people. Only one of them so much as glanced at me, and she didn’t seem the least bit startled.

I’m not sure why I haven’t told anyone. I’m not afraid of becoming some sort of government guinea pig or anything like that. Once this hits the media, my life is going to become a goddamn circus, and that’s just not something I’m ready for. There’s no way to get the lid back on this particular can of worms.

I’ve also considered that this whole thing may be a very convincing hallucination, and that spreading the news would be a one-way ticket to the loony bin. Even if it is real, there will be press conferences, interviews, emails. People will want me to explain it, to teach it…I don’t think that’s possible.

It’s also the only remarkable thing I have going for me. The only remarkable thing that’s ever happened to me. It feels like sharing it with the world would diminish it, somehow. The knowledge of it makes me feel more confident; a concealed weapon, the perfect come-back, the best damn joke you ever heard. I know something and if I told you what it was, it would deflower your world and not even call it the next day.

One more thing I should mention before I sign off. I’m not able to leap thirty feet into the air, or lift boulders the size of station wagons. But the more I push paper clips and pens around, the easier it gets.

This power, gift, whatever you want to call it…it’s getting stronger.

-Allan